


Always On My Mind

by BeeQueen



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Drama, F/M, Friendship, Romance, Smutty, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-21
Updated: 2015-02-19
Packaged: 2018-03-08 13:00:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3210101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeeQueen/pseuds/BeeQueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry met Ella in the worst moment possible. He’s just starting a new relationship, his life is completely out of his control.<br/>Ella is totally in control of hers.<br/>How are they going to deal with the feelings that start growing and messing with their minds?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First encounters

**Author's Note:**

> Harry Styles or any of the other members of One Direction do not belong to me (unfortunately), they are only being used for physical appearence. Hope you guys like it xx

“I’ll be waiting for you. And if you don’t show up, I’ll bring the party to your house!” He yelled at her and she laughed.

 

“Don’t be so dramatic Nicholas…” She said, rolling her eyes as she started to dig through her closet to find something casual to wear.

 

Her friend, Nick Grimshaw was throwing a house party and he was demanding her presence. It was November and the night was cold, Ella was not in the mood to party but she was going to make an effort, after all, how could she say no to Nick? He was fun to be around.

 

“I’m warning you Ella… show up or I won’t let you come with me to the Burberry show.” He threatened.

 

“Don’t you dare Nick!” Ella yelled into the phone and she heard his annoying laugh ring through the speaker.

 

“See you later love!”

 

After taking a shower and fixing her hair in loose waves, she put on black skinny jeans, black boots, a black loose knit sweater and a warm red coat with big black buttons. Her makeup was simple, just eyeliner and mascara, a baby pink lipstick and she was all done.

 

It was a twenty minute walk from her flat to Nick’s and when Ella arrived she couldn’t wait to go inside, the cold London night makingher regret not taking a cab.  
Nick welcomed her with open arms and a beer in hand, something she didn’t really enjoy but he didn’t let her refuse.

 

“I knew you would come! I would’ve kicked your cute little ass if you didn’t!” Nick said, his breath smelling like alcohol and his hands too grabby for him to be sober. He was hugging and kissing her cheek, dragging her into the living room and chatting wildly, not giving Ella a chance to catch her breath.

 

After a while, he left her there, sitting on the couch and went into his TV room, where a couple of his most well-known friends were sitting.  
Leaving the beer Nick gave her untouched on top of the coffee table, Ella went into the kitchen to grab herself a water bottle and ended up being trapped in a conversation about The X-Factor and who would win the competition this year. She excused herself and got out of the room, going back to the couch and unlocking her phone, trying to distract herself.

 

“You look like you’re having the time of your life.” Ella rolled her eyes as Nick sat down next to her and put his arm around her shoulders, an hour after he left her in the same place.

 

“Oh, but I am!” She said ironically “I don’t know anyone except you and you didn’t bother to introduce me!” She exclaimed, poking his stomach and he squirmed and pushed her hands away.

 

“Don’t be so cranky. Come with me, there’s someone I want you to meet.” he pulled her into the TV room, where she saw most of his closest friends lounging.

 

“Who are you introducing me to?” she asked “Is he cute?” Ella joked and Nick let out a wild laugh.

 

“See for yourself darling.” He pointed to a boy sitting between Rita Ora and Daisy Lowe. Ella couldn’t help but think how weird it was for her to see all these famous faces going to the same party as her. The boy had a bright smile, catching her attention while he laughed loudly at something Rita said.

 

She could see the green of his eyes sparkle while he talked to every single person in the room. Nick had told her that he was the life of the party everywhere he went but she only understood what he meant when the he walked into the room that night, all eyes on him.

 

“OI, Styles! Get your tiny bum here!”

 

Ella saw him let out a sigh and get up from the couch, walking towards them. He was tall and lean, his shoulders catching her attention. They were the same age, she knew that because she worked in the media and she was forced to look at his face and know everything she could about him, not that she cared. After all, he was not bad to look at. His dark chocolate curls made a contrast with his ivory skin that was slightly blushed, probably from all the drinking.

 

“What do you want Grimmy?” He asked, a hand going through his hair and his voice raspy from talking too much.

 

“I want to introduce you to this lovely little lady. Ella, this is Harry Styles, the most annoying boyband member I have ever met. Harold, this is Ella.” Nick said and Harry smiled brightly at her.

 

“He loves to show you around, doesn’t he?” Ella joked and Harry laughed.

 

“Nick is a show-off! I don’t know why I like him, he can’t be trusted.” Harry said, making her laugh. She knew how open mouthed Nick could be but he meant no harm.

 

“It’s nice to meet you.” Ella smiled and offered her hand for him to shake but Harry rolled his eyes and hugged her tight, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

 

After that, Nick forced her to sit down with their group. Ella was paying attention to Harry, unable to glance away from him. He really was a charmer. He worked the room like no one else could, including her and explaining their inside jokes so she wouldn’t feel left out. As the night went on, people started to leave and the conversation turned to heavier topics. Ella didn’t know how but when she realized, they were the only ones left in the room. The house was quiet, she was sitting in the corner of the sofa, Harry beside her with a beer in his hand and his long legs stretched out.

 

“How did you met Nick?” Harry asked and nudged Ella’s knee with his.

 

“Now, that’s a long story…” She giggled and Harry arched an eyebrow. “Nick and I met through my parents. My mom is a model and my dad is a journalist, so he and Nick ended up meeting when dad still worked on BBC news.” Ella shrugged, telling him the short tale.

 

“Is your accent from the same place your parents live now?” He asked and she laughed.

 

“It is, from my dad actually. He was born and raised in Essex and moved to London when he started uni. He met my mom when he was in one of the many trips he had to take around the world to do his work. Then they came back to London, got married and I was conceived!” Ella joked, making Harry laugh.

 

If she stopped to think about how much she missed her parents, she could cry. It had been a few months since she saw them.  
“And your mom?”

 

“That’s the fun part! My mom is Brazilian.” Ella said and she saw his eyebrows shoot up, the surprise written all over his face.

 

“Brazilian?! That’s nice! So you have a bit of the latino blood?” He asked, wiggling his eyebrows and trying to shake his square hips while still sitting on the couch, making Ella laugh loudly.

 

“I do and thank God, we don’t dance like that!” She pointed at him, covering her mouth to try to hold her laughter.

 

“Hey! I’m a great dancer!” Harry exclaimed, pouting.

 

“No, you are an incredible singer.” She stated and they both started laughing again.

 

“So, half English, half Brazilian… what else I don’t know about you?”

 

It was weird but it seemed like they couldn’t stop talking. Telling each other about their childhood, dreams, aspirations and the conversation never died down. When they thought they couldn’t find any more topics, he would swoop in with a stupid joke to make her laugh and they engaged in yet another hour of uninterrupted conversation.

 

“Have you ever dated someone who tried to change you?” Harry asked, out of the blue.

 

“I don’t really date. I’m an eighteen year old who only had one boyfriend in her whole life.” She said and Harry laughed.

 

“That doesn’t seem possible to me… I mean, you’re a gorgeous girl. I don’t believe you’ve only had one boyfriend.” He said and she felt heat creep up into her neck and cheeks.  
Harry’s flirty nature was not lost on Ella, but she couldn’t let that get into her head. She knew he had a girlfriend and so she preferred to assume he was only being polite.

 

“Well, thank you! And I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I’ve had one boyfriend in high school and we only lasted six months.” Harry shook his head in disbelief and she giggled “I’ve known him since I was twelve but never thought he was that type of guy. He was a jealous and demanding twat.” Ella shrugged.

 

“Well, that sounds familiar…” Harry smiled bitterly at her.

 

“What do you mean Harry?” Ella asked, turning her whole body to face his.

 

“This girl I’m dating… “ He said with a sigh “She wants to know my every move and she says I’m not paying attention to her needs. That I’m not letting her in, that I don’t treat her the way she wants me to. I don’t work like that, I can’t change just because she wants me to.” He said, frustration hanging on every word that came out of his mouth.

 

“Do you care about her?” Ella asked, not being able to hold herself. She knew who he was talking about, she had to; it was her job after all. America’s sweetheart dating Britain’s most eligible bachelor - it was all over the news.

 

“I do… I can’t say I’m in love with her like she expects me to but I do care about her. We’ve been sort of dating for a while…” He said, taking a swig of his beer.

 

“Looks like you can’t decide if you want to commit.” Ella smiled when he arched an eyebrow and turned his body towards her, looking deep into her eyes.

 

“You don’t even know me!” He said and all she could think in that moment was that he looked like a spoiled 5 year old. A really attractive one.

 

“I’m not trying to attack you Harry.” Ella said calmly “I’m trying to be a friend.” She took a deep breath “What I’m trying to say is that if you care about her you should work harder. But I feel like you’re not telling me something.” She guessed and Harry’s eyes locked into hers “Is that it? Or there’s something else? - You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to…”

 

“No, it’s just… I don’t know how to correspond to her expectations of me.” His gaze fell to his hands and he started fidgeting with his rings. “She wants a prince charming, a knight in shining armour. - I’m only eighteen, I can’t promise an endless love and I can’t live like that, pretending all the time…” His voice was getting louder as he continued to speak “She wants everything to be perfectly planned. I fucking hate to be controlled! And the way everything is in the media, every single tabloid talking about it, I hate to see my life being scrutinized like that.”

 

Once he started, there was no stopping. He just let out every frustration, every bad feeling and thought he had been having for the past month. He didn’t understand why he felt so comfortable talking to this stranger but he was so tired of having to hold back what he was feeling. He needed to vent.

 

“You chose that life.” Ella shrugged “That’s what you get for choosing the spotlight. Every time you give them a piece of you, they’ll want more and more until there’s nothing left to take..” she said and he widened his eyes, feeling like she was inside his head. “She’s living in a fantasy where everyone does exactly what she wants and you are being stupid enough to try to act like she wants you to.” She put a hand in his arm, making him focus on her “Talk to the girl, try to make her understand how you work and that you’re human and you need space too.” She said smiling “Give it a real chance to your relationship before letting it crumble.”

 

“You’re right! Why are women always right?!” He huffed and B laughed. Harry couldn’t help but smile, hearing her laugh for the first time and he loved it. “Well, on a lighter note… what are your plans for Christmas?”

 

“It’s still November!” Ella exclaimed, making them both laugh.

 

“Too soon?” He laid his head on her shoulder and she could swear there was no one in this world that was cuter than him.

 

“Too soon Styles…”

 

They talked until their throats were sore and they fell asleep on the carpet, right next to each other. When Ella woke up, her back was pressed tightly against Harry’s chest, his arm holding her to him and his warm breath on her neck. She was confused as to how they ended up in that position but she was so comfortable, feeling so warm and safe in his arms that she wanted nothing but close her eyes again and go back to sleep. Still, her mind kept telling her to get up and go home; that he had a girlfriend and she wouldn’t be happy if she saw them like this. Reluctantly, Ella got up and grabbed her purse, finding the little notepad she always carried with her.

 

_“Good morning Harry, or afternoon, I don’t know when you’ll wake up. I just wanted you to know that I had a lot of fun last night and I hope we can do it again._

_Ugh, this sounds like we fucked, you know that’s not what I mean._

_Well, I hope I’ve helped and I wish you the best of luck with your girl. You’re a great guy and I want to see you happy, after all, we’re too young to be this miserable about love!_

_Tell me if things worked out for you!_

_Love,  
Ella.”_

 

After putting the little note in the same pocket he had his phone, so there was no way he wouldn’t find it, Ella grabbed her stuff and left the flat quietly, the morning air waking her up and bringing all the memories from the night before.

 

It had been a long time since she had been able to talk to a guy like that and not feel like she was intruding his life. Harry opened up to her and Ella was sure he was not a person who did that often, much like her who preferred to keep things private. They were so alike in many ways it scared her to think how good they could be with each other. Ella couldn’t help but want to have him in her life and she just hoped he felt the same.


	2. News

A/N: Hello guys! I hope you liked the first part and that you guys enjoy reading my stuff. Here's the second one, tell me what you guys think!  
  
***

(Harry’s POV)

“Harry! Are you paying attention?” Liam’s voice brought interrupted his thoughts, his bandmate putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah yeah, we’re going to the Bambi Awards in a week.” Harry said and Liam laughed.

“What got you so distracted, mate?” Niall asked, sitting down.

“Nothing… just someone I met last night.” He shrugged and the boys started whistling, making him roll his eye.  
“Aren’t you dating Taylor? She had you on a leash, last time I checked...” Louis asked, ironically.

“I am dating her! And she doesn’t have me on a leash.” Harry stated and saw Zayn shaking his head at him.

“That doesn’t sound good mate, you know how Taylor is. You should be careful.” Harry could see the judgement in Zayn’s eyes.

“I didn’t do anything.” He stated, exasperated “C’mon, you guys know me, I’m not a cheater!” He exclaimed, making the others nod in agreement.

“It just seemed like you had done something. We’re just looking out for you.” Liam said and squeezed his shoulder, trying to show support.

“I didn’t do anything. She’s just a girl I met in one of Nick’s parties and we talked.” Harry looked at his phone, letting out a sigh. “She’s a great girl. And I’m not saying I want to date her, I just... I want to talk to her again.”

“Just make sure you’re not seen with her, ok? You can spark a rumour faster than our fans can leak an album.” Louis joked, making all of them laugh.

“I’ll try...” Harry sighed, getting up to leave the room.

 

***

As Harry walked to his car, his phone started ringing; Nick’s number appearing on the screen.

“Are you going to the Bambi’s?” He heard Nick’s voice on the other side of the line.  
“Hello to you too! How have you been?” Harry asked ironically.

“I’ve been good. Answer my question Harold.” Nick said, ignoring his attempt on teaching him how to be polite. Nick was ten years older than him but he still could learn some manners.

“We are going to the Bambi’s. Why are you so interested?” Harry started the car and pulled out of the parking lot, heading home.

“Well, I might be there and I would like to go out and have a nice time with you.” Nick said and Harry laughed.

“Ok Grimmy, I’ll see you in Germany.”

***

As Harry landed on Germany for their appearance in the Bambi Awards, he couldn’t wait until he was alone with Nick so he could ask about Ella. She had been clouding his minding and he completely forgot to ask her number. He was so involved in their conversation he didn’t even remember something simple as that. He could easily ask Nick to give it to him but he knew if he did that, Nick would probably talk about it on his radio show and then another rumour would start.

Harry couldn’t shake from his mind how easy it was to talk to Ella. It seemed that she knew exactly what to say to keep the conversation going effortlessly. She didn’t push him into topics he didn’t feel comfortable with. He felt at ease in her presence, it was like they were lifelong friends.

Harry had been feeling on edge for a while now. Since he started dating Taylor, it seemed like he had lost control of his life completely, but in that moment he felt like he was not being judged and that Ella didn’t expect anything from him that he couldn’t give. Maybe that’s why he was so eager to see her again.

 

Since the moment he set foot on Germany, ‘till the moment he was arriving at the red carpet, Harry couldn’t help but wish time would go faster. He wanted to get over with this award and go straight to Nick’s hotel so he could talk to him.

He was walking the red carpet with the rest of the guys, smiling and posing for a while and then they were sent to give interviews. As he answered the same old ad boring questions, as usual, he could hear a familiar laugh a bit further down the carpet but he still wasn’t sure if it was Nick. As they got to the end of the line, he spotted his friend classic quiff and flamboyant laugh and they went straight to him.

“Hello One Direction! How are you?” Nick practically screamed as they reached for BBC’s microphone.

“We’re good, thank you Nicholas.” Harry answered and turned his gaze to Nick’s right. His eyes widened as he recognized Ella’s eyes, looking straight at him as she smiled sweetly. What was she doing here?

“Well, you guys are performing tonight, what can we expect?” Nick asked, turning the microphone to Liam, who was standing next to her.

Ella looked beautiful, he couldn’t deny that. Her hair was styled in an old Hollywood glamour style, her makeup following the same direction, her lips painted in a blood red making her smile even brighter than it normally was. She wore a short long sleeved black dress, with black tights and high heels. His first thought before he freaked out was that she looked absolutely stunning.

She kept checking the camera, her gaze often returning to his and each time he didn’t correspond to her smile he could see her face lose some of the confidence and light she had.

“Well, it’s going to be an upbeat performanc! We’re just planning on having fun on stage and hopefully make people have fun with us, so yeah!” Liam answered, smiling.  
The rest of the talk was a blur for him and he just kept looking between Ella and Nick, opting not to talk because he wasn’t sure if he could control his mouth if he started.

“I’ll be rooting for you guys! Unfortunately we don’t have time to keep going… see you guys around!” Nick said and each one of the boys hugged Nick and kissed her cheek, being as polite as they always were, as she collected the microphones that had been handed to them at the beginning of the interview.  
All of the boys entered the venue, leaving Harry alone with both of them. He hugged Nick and shook her hand, as she looked at him with a furrowed brow.

She was a journalist. He couldn’t believe he had opened up about his relationship to a fucking journalist. Harry was fuming. He could feel his anger showing clearly on his face and he took a deep breath, trying to avoid people that would ask questions he didn’t want to answer.

As they entered the backstage area, getting ready for their performance, Harry felt as if his suit had suddenly shrinked because he couldn’t breathe. His mind was running a thousand miles per hour, every single possibility of what she would do with the information he gave her coming to his mind.

“You alright mate?” Niall asked, giving Harry a side hug.

“I’m ok, just nervous for the performance.” Harry lied and Niall bought it, giving him a sympathetic smile.

“You’re a rockstar, lad! You gon’ be fucking great as you always are.” The Irish boy tried to cheer him up and he couldn’t help but smile at him. Niall could be so carefree sometimes that Harry actually envied him.

Harry took a deep breathe. He could listen to the song and he relaxed his shoulders and put a smile on his face.

Their performance was loud and fun, the audience dancing and singing along and for a moment Harry’s mind was clean of all the problems he would have to deal with later. He gave it his all, he sang his heart out and as soon as they finished and the cheers grew louder and louder as they thanked the audience, he could feel his blood rush faster, instead of slowing down.

After leaving the venue, Harry went to his hotel and changed out of his suit, putting on jeans and a white shirt, a long black pea coat and his brown suede boots.  
When he got into the car, he took his phone out of his pocket and sending a text to Nick, asking for his hotel address.  
Twenty minutes later he was entering Nick’s suite, his hotel not far from where Harry and the band were staying for the night.

“SHE’S A FUCKING JOURNALIST! WHY DIDN’T YOU FUCKING TELL ME, NICK?” Harry yelled, Nick looking at him wide eyed. He had never lost his temper like this but he was freaking out.

He was used to the rumours and the lies and the accusations but he could deal with that because it wasn’t true. How would he deal with his feelings being splattered all over the news?

 

“Harry, I thought you knew. She works with me, she’s my intern. How didn’t you realize?” Nick asked and Harry hid his face in his hands, trying to control his breathing. The upbeat performance and the yelling were starting to get to him, his asthma not allowing him to breathe properly.

 

“Nick... I told her everything about me and Taylor.” He said, his voice strained. “Why do you think I’m freaking out?” Harry walked to the bed and sat down, breathing in.

“Well, I always thought you were stupid, but not this much!” Nick exclaimed and Harry looked at him like he was crazy. Was he really going to call him dumb? He didn’t do it on purpose!

“What d’you mean?” He asked and rubbed his chest, the pain starting to go away now that he had stopped yelling.

“If she was going to sell you out, she would’ve done it already.” Nick looked at him like what he was saying obvious. “Let me tell you something about journalism nowadays: as soon as you get the information, you sell it. It’s been two weeks, it’s not news anymore!”

“Can you just give me her number? I want to talk to her.” Harry pleaded, trying to find a way to have peace of mind.

“I can give you her hotel room number.” Nick said and Harry got up and went after her as soon as he knew where to go.

***

Well, that's it for now! Please tell me what you guys think, I would love to have some feedback! All the love, B xx


	3. New York

Chapter Three

_(Ella’s POV)_

Ella’s room was just a few floors up and she was lying in bed, contemplatingsleeping in her dress because she was too exhausted to change. She was watchingTV when she heard a knock and she sighed, getting up. “Nick, I’m not going out, I’m exhausted - ” She started when she opened the door, already preparing herself to put her foot down, as Nick wasn’t one to take no for an answer but stopped in her tracks as soon as her eyes met the bright green ones.

“Not Nick.” He said his voice deep and his face serious.

“What are you doing here?” She asked, surprised by his presence. He had been so rude to her in the awards she was not expecting to hear from him ever again.

“You’re a journalist.” He stated.

“Yes, I am.” She arched an eyebrow, not getting where he was heading with  
that obvious statement.

“Just tell me to who you’re going to sell your story so I can try to figure out a way to stop it.” Harry said, his tone cold and angry.

Ella felt her body stiffen and her stomach turn in disbelief. She could not understand why he was accusing her of being a tell-all, of selling the secrets he confided on her just so she would get money out of it. She was fairly confident woman, she knew how to face accusations even when they weren’t true but she never expected that something like this would come from him.

“Are you fucking serious?” Ella cursed, her eyes widened in anger “I can’t believe you came all the way here just to accuse me!” her voice was high and she was boiling with anger, heat rolling off of her in waves “If that’s what you think I’m gonna do you better get the hell out of here, cause I don’t have to take insults from no one, especially from a dickhead like you!” She yelled at him and tried to close the door on his face, but he put his foot on the way preventing her from closing it.

“You just met me and you have no reason to protect me. You have something in your hands that’s easy to sell and it will give you a lot of money.” Harry exclaimed- his face red with anger as he pushed through and entered the room, locking the room as soon as he was inside.

“IT’S BEEN TWO WEEKS, DON’T YOU THINK I WOULD’VE SOLD YOU OUT BY NOW IF I WANTED TO?” Ella yelled at him. “What’s wrong with you?!” She took a deep breathe, trying to regain her composure “I don’t give a single fuck about who you’re dating and if you don’t like her enough! I was just trying to be a friend!” She was starting to feel her anger turn into tears by now.

Ella was proud of being able to stand by her opinions and to defend herself but if there’s one thing she hated was to be accused falsely. And that’s when her anger would turn into tears, her frustration so overwhelming she couldn’t control it.

”And I was only doing it because you needed someone and because you asked me to! You are such a twat, you ungrateful bastard!” Ella grunted, and turned her back to him, sniffing and taking a deep breath, controlling her urge to let the tears spill. She was not going to cry because of an immature and spoiled twat, she was stronger than that.

“Are you crying?” Harry asked, his eyes widening and the guilt taking over his features. He took a step towards her to close the distance between them but Ella stepped away from him just as fast.

“Can you just leave?” She pleaded, hoping he would leave her alone so she could call any of her friends and talk to them about how much of an asshole he is. She would never tell them that it was him, because that’s exactly what people did to him and what he feared she might do but even in all her anger she couldn’t even fathom the thought of exposing him.

_(Harry’s POV)_

“Can you just leave?” Ella asked him and he heard the slight tremble in her voice. She wasn’t crying, he saw her hold herself back, but he knew he had pushed too far.

“No, I’m sorry.” Harry said, but to him it sounded more like pleading, grabbing her arm and making her turn around to face him. She looked away from him and he cursed at himself, annoyed that he had hurt her.

If there was one thing he learned from his mother was to never leave a girl alone if she was crying, especially if you were the reason for her tears.

“I didn’t mean to accuse you. I was so worried you would sell me out.. I just- I don’t know, I lost it for a second.” He looked her dead in the eye, trying to make her see his sincerity “I can’t compete with the tabloids, there’s too many rumours I have to dismiss and I’m so tired of everything!” He was surprised by how fast he had gone from accusing to venting. She rolled her eyes and looked away from him and he was desperate to make her understand he wasn’t thinking straight “I try to ignore it, but I can’t handle anymore then what I’m already dealing with.” Harry leaned down, making her look at him so she could see he was being honest. “I can’t trust anyone. I have to be careful all the time and I’m not like that. I was more carefree before all this, but I can’t afford that now.”

“You judged me! You assumed I was going to be a bitch to you just because of my profession.”She looked at him accusingly and her words hit him like a punch in his stomach “I’m sorry that you can’t trust people but you have no right to assume things about me when you don’t even know me and when I have done nothing to make you think like that.” Ella said, her eyes fixed on his. He couldn’t look away even if he wanted to, her sincerity shining through the forrest green of her orbs.

“I’m sorry, okay? I’m so sorry!” Harry apologized, his voice full of regret

“That’s really the only thing I can say.” He chuckled sadly, slumping his shoulders, as he ran his fingers through his hair “My fear made me freak out and I took it out on you.” Deep down he knew she would never do it but he couldn’t help his distrust. By now it was almost like a surviving method. He had trusted the wrong people before and nothing good had come out of it. She would have to win him over just like he would have to fight not to do jump to conclusions again.

“I forgive you.” She said and he looked up at her “But if you ever doubt me again for no reason, I’m going to kick your ass Styles!” She exclaimed. “Don’t do it again.” Ella pushed his shoulder lightly and he smiled, relieved that she accepted his apology.

“Promise!” He lifted his pinky finger and offered it to her, making her laugh. Every time she laughed, he couldn’t stop the stupid grin that took over his face. As soon as Ella hooked her finger with his, Harry’s left hand found her waist and pulled her in for a hug.

***  
He was just finishing his dinner when his phone started ringing. He got up from his couch and fished the device out of his coat, listening to the annoying ringtone play over and over, echoing through his empty house. That was one of the reasons why he hated to live alone, the house too big for one person.

“How do you feel about helping me present the late night show tonight?” Nick asked on the other side of the line, barely giving him any time to say hello and act like a decent person.

“Yeah, I can do it. I don’t have anything else.” Harry shrugged, forgetting Nick couldn’t actually see him. “Ok, be here at 10:30, then we’ll have half an hour to warm up.” Nick said and hung up the phone. Harry rolled his eyes and set the device next to his plate. Nick was so rude on the phone it was annoying.

When he finished his dinner, he went upstairs and showered, putting on a grey tshirt with a small red heart and the word lover printed on it, jeans, converse and a black jumper over it. As he gathered his phone and car keys, he spotted his beanie hanging by the door and grabbed it together with his black pea coat, locking the door behind him and heading to his car.

“Hey, I’m glad you could make it!” Nick exclaimed as Harry entered the BBC building, running into him in the lobby.

“I said I would didn’t I?” He said and hugged his friend. They made their way up to the studio and when they entered, Greg was just finishing the last bit of his show. After it was over, Nick took over and Harry sat down in one of the microphones, like he usually did when he visited Nick.

“Well well well, look what the cat dragged in!” He heard, his lips turning up into a smile as he recognized her voice.

“I didn’t know you would be here!” Harry said, as he turned around and took two quick steps, enveloping Ella in a hug.

“You seem to always forget the fact that I work here.” She laughed and put her arms around his waist, hugging him back. “You look so cuddly.” Ella smiled at him as she squeezed herself against him and scrunched her face in a playful manner, making him laugh.

“Are you done with the flirting? Can I please start the show? I asked you both to come and help me, not to make me a third wheel.” Nick asked ironically, making them laugh awkwardly and he broke the hug, stepping away from her.

“Don’t be jealous Nick, you know you’re the only one I love.” Harry said, trying to make the atmosphere in the room turn lighter.

“You should love your girlfriend, not me Harold.” Nick said and Harry’s attempt to lighten the mood was washed down the river.

“Way to ruin the mood..” He whispered and Ella looked up at him, touching his shoulder lightly.

“Is everything ok?” She asked, a look of genuine concern on her eyes.

“Yeah, I’m ok. Talked to her last night. She asked me to spend the New Years with her.” He said and she nodded, taking a step back and assuming her microphone in front of Nick.

“When do you leave?” Ella asked, as she started to set things up for the show.

“On the 1st of December.” He said, trying to give her a smile, as if the idea actually excited him.

Just thinking about it gave him anxiety. He wanted to spend time with her but their teams were planning on making them “public” – not really assuming anything but hanging out together in places their picture would be taken so people started to get used to the idea of them as a couple. He didn’t want things to work like that, they we’re not even officially boyfriend and girlfriend, he hadn’t asked. But people assumed they were and then his life was out of his control when his management team and hers started to plan all the amazing things that could come out of their relationship. That’s when he started to freak out.

He tried so many times not to care about it and just let it happen. He tried not to get so freaked out by the commitment she was asking of him and by all the consequences of their appearance together but this time he just couldn’t. He knows how it works and he knows there will be so much bullshit being printed and said about them that he would lose his mind. He was never able to talk back, to answer, to defend himself … he was too grateful for all the things his job, if he had to call it that, gave him. But that part, the media, the tabloids, the scrutiny – that bit was hard to swallow.

“You guys are going to have a gig at MSG aren’t you?” She asked and he nodded, a smile creeping up on his face as he was pulled from his thoughts by her voice. “That’s huge! I’m happy for you guys, you deserve it!” Ella exclaimed and he noticed the admiration in her tone.

“Thank you, we are-“ He started but Nick cut him off in the middle of his sentence. Always the gentleman…

“You should get the little one some tickets y’know? She’s going to be in New York during your trip.” Nick said and Ella’s face was of pure discomfort.

“Nick! I don’t want him to get me anything.. he doesn’t have to. We just met, for fucks sake.” She mumbled, scrunching up her nose and closing her eyes. She looked cute and he wanted to hug her for what she said.

“Why not?! You tried to find tickets but there weren’t any, Harold always does this. I get tickets from him all the time.” Nick shrugged and started fixing his mic and putting his headphones.

“Jesus Christ.. seriously Harry, you don’t need to.” She said and Harry kept looking from her to Nick, expecting Nick to convince her. He had decided, he would give her the tickets. Just the prospect of having Ella’s soothing presence anywhere around him on a trip that he was absolutely sure would be draining and stressful was enough to make him relax a bit. He didn’t understand why her presence was so reassuring but he knew she calmed him and he wanted to have that kind of person around him.

“Nah, it’s ok.. it’s not a big deal.” He told her and she ran her fingers through her hair, letting out an exasperated huff.

“But Harry, I-“ She started and he slid his chair to her side, putting his hand over her mouth and shutting her up and making her eyes squint, looking at him threateningly.

“Shut up Ella, I’m trying to be nice here.” He told her and she rolled her eyes, pushing his hand out of her face.  
“Such a twat..” She mumbled under her breathe and he laughed.

“Ok, enough! Let’s start this shit.” Nick put an end to their conversation, starting his show. Harry laughed so hard he cried, the shit show he and Nick were doing not bothering Ella in the least and she was able to keep up with their banter effortlessly, which didn’t come as a surprise to him. She was sure of herself and knew how to act around him, unlike many of his female friends who had to do a little getting used to, but she was natural and that’s what draw him to her.

When they finished, she was up in a second, gathering her stuff and fishing her bag from underneath the sound table.

“I’m gonna go, I need to catch a cab.” She said, hugging Nick and giving him a peck on the cheek then turning to him with a smile. Ella went up on her tiptoes, their height difference making him laugh as she fixed his beanie. “See you in New York then?” She asked.

“See you in New York.” He leaned down, pecking her cheek and she squeezed his shoulder as she returned his gesture. He felt her lips on his skin for only a second but it made him smile. What was it in this girl that made him unable to stop grinning like a Cheshire cat every time he was around her?

***

_(Ella’s POV)_

As she loaded her stuff into the back of the yellow cab, she couldn’t help but smile. Being back in New York always made her happy.

She lived there for three years when she was a kid, when her dad decided to work in America for a while so her mom could go back to modelling. She remembered those years being the happiest of her childhood – the big city, going to Central Park on the weekends, when her parents weren’t too busy, the snow and the Christmas lights and the New Year’s Eve party in Times Square, that was her favourite.

Ella remembered the last New Year’s Eve they spent in New York. It was so cold and she was all bundled up in a big coat and a bright pink scarf, her parents holding her to protect her from the cold and the people passing by while they shared a kissed when the clock stroke midnight and she wrapped her arms and kissed both their cheeks, making them laugh at her need to be included.

While the taxi drove around the city, Ella passed by the MSG, the signs announcing a One Direction concert in two days. She couldn’t help but smile, wondering if Harry was already in New York. It was funny how she missed him. His presence was so strong and lingering that when he was not around she felt his absence more strongly than she did with anyone else. He could fill the room with happiness whenever he was around and she adored that about him – Ella was never sad when Harry was near.

“We’re here Miss.” The taxi driver announced and she was pulled back from her thoughts. Rolling her eyes at her cheesy thoughts and reprimanding herself for thinking about him so much, she paid and got out of the car, getting her suitcases from the trunk and going in, running away from the cold wind that was blowing.

After checking in and going up to her room, Ella was lying in bed, gathering the courage to get up and take a shower when her phone lit up.

**Hiiii, I’m in NYC xx H**

A smile took over her face when she saw the text on the screen. She didn’t remember giving him her number but he probably got it from Nick, which made her roll her eyes as she saved his number.

_Hey! How did you get my number sir? I don’t remember giving it to you!_

**I may or may not have scrolled through Nick’s phone to get it… he would be a pain in the arse if I asked him. Are you here???**

_Cheeky boy! I’ve just arrived in my hotel. I can’t ever escape you can I? Just saw your face when I was driving by the city._

**Am I that ugly that you want to escape me?**

_You know that’s not what I meant Harry! Haha_

**Hum, good to know then… anyway, I need to give you your tickets! Do you want to meet for coffee or something?**

Ella stared at her phone for a minute before replying. She wanted to meet him, it would be great to talk and just hang out. But, knowing who he was supposed to be with and how things were blown out of proportion every time someone different was seen around him, she was a bit hesitant.

_I’d love to, but I’m exhausted… I just gotof a plane, I need a nap._

**Look at you, blowing me off for sleep! How dare you Ella?**

_You could be Prince Harry asking me out, I wouldn’t do it. I love my sleep Harold :P_

**I’m not a Prince, but I’m Harry. Isn’t that enough?**

_You are so lame Styles, so lame. Such a dork._

**You are insulting me! Anyway, coffee? Please? I need to talk L**

Sighing, she ran her hands through her hair, feeling the heavy weight of her sleep deprived flight and the fear of getting caught around him make knots in her stomach.

_We can have dinner… is this ok? I really need a nap._

**Ok sleepy head… where do you wanna go?**

_Can I meet you at your hotel? I think it’s better if you avoid the paps tonight._

**You’re probably right. Why are you always right? Ok, 8 p.m. at the Trump Hotel. I’ll tell Paul to meet you downstairs.**

_Please don’t! I don’t wanna be murdered by a hundred teenage girls and a furious popstar. Just leave my name on the front desk._

**ha ha very funny! But I’ll do it your way then.. see you later love xx H**

_See you later dork xx_

Ella shook her head, laughing as she made her way to her suitcase, discarding her clothes and putting on some cosy pants and a long sleeved shirt, going under the covers of her bed and burying her face in the pillow, the sleep taking her down in seconds.

***

Hours later, Ella woke up feeling a bit better than when she arrived. She looked through the window of her hotel and saw the lights of the city, making her smile. After taking a shower and washing away the smell of her bed sheets and the long flight, she rummaged through her suitcase to try and find a good enough outfit.

She hated to look like she had dressed up for him but she also hated not putting any effort. It was not because of him. It was because her mother. Ever since she was a child she had learned that, it doesn’t matter if you’re meeting a friend or you’re meeting the Queen, you have to be presentable and well dressed at all times. Ella kept that lesson in mind, always putting some effort in her outfits even when it was the most casual of things. So she decided that she was going to stay true to that so she ended up dressing in all black, that was her thing. Black leather leggings, long sleeved shirt, a mid length black coat, short black boots and a gigantic black and white scarf. She did her make up lightly, a bit of foundation, mascara and a baby pink lipgloss, her hair straight like usual and that was it. Picking up her purse and her phone she left the room in a hurry, her watch telling her that it was already 9 pm and she didn’t want to keep him waiting that long.

His hotel wasn’t far from hers, it was a 10 minute taxi ride and soon Ella was on her way up to his room, feeling a little self conscious when his bodyguard nodded when she knocked on his door.

“Good evening.” She smiled nervously, trying to be polite while she waited for Harry to open the door.

“Good evening.” He told her, his rumbling voice and irish accent evident.

“Are you Paul?” She asked and he opened up a bit of a smile.

“Yes I am, you must be Ella.” He said and she nodded, looking down, embarrassed. She didn’t want people to think she was here to be with him. Well, at least not in a sexual way. They were friends and she wanted people to know that she was not planning on being “the other girl” but she was afraid to open her mouth and defend herself. “Don’t worry sweetheart.” She heard Paul say and she lifted her eyes to him.

“Thank you.” She smiled.

“There you are, love! I’m sorry, I was just looking for my phone.” Harry exclaimed as he opened the door, making Ella look up at him. He looked good- she had come to the conclusion that he always did. He was wearing jeans and boots, a plaid shirt and a warm light brown coat and a black beanie, a few curls coming out on the sides of his face. She felt her fingers tingle with how much she wanted to run her hands through his hair.

“You look so tiny.. what happened?” Harry asked, looking down at her with his brow furrowed and she rolled her eyes and let out a huff.

“I’m not wearing heels. And you are a giraffe, so don’t blame me.” She hit his shoulder, making him laugh.

“So tiny!” He exclaimed and hugged her, lying his head on top of hers.

“Don’t be annoying!” She raised her voice and Harry pinched her sides, making her jump and giggle, his smile showing his dimples and making her blush.

“I’ll be in the hotel ok? We’re just having dinner.” Harry turned to Paul while Ella scrolled through her phone, mindlessly checking twitter and seeing a tweet from Sugarscape talking about Harry and his girlfriend. She felt her stomach turn and she closed the app, looking up at him and seeing he was looking at her.

“What?” He asked and she couldn’t help but think that he had seen what she was looking at.

“Nothing, I’m just hungry.” She decided to leave the subject for later. He would talk about her when he was ready, after all, that’s why she was here.

“Let’s go then.” He told her and put a hand on the small of her back, while he guided her back to the elevator.

As they walked towards the restaurant that was on the highest level of the hotel, she couldn’t help but let her anxiety get to her. There were a lot of people around, a lot of people with camera phones and a lot of people who knew who he was. Ella didn’t mind being talked about because she knew who she was, she just didn’t want people to assume she was trying to steal him from that girl.

Fortunately, once they reached the restaurant, he asked for a private table and they were out of everyone’s sight a minute later.

“So, how was your flight?” He asked, once they were sitting down.

“Boring and long. There was a kid who wouldn’t stop crying so I didn’t sleep at all.” She told him and he laughed.

“Been there. How long are you staying?” He asked, while looking at the menu.

“Ten days, I have to be back before the 12th because Nick and I have an event to attend.” She told him.

“I’ll be back too, maybe we can hang out.” He told her and she smiled, nodding. He pulled out the tickets and the backstage pass for the concert from his pocket, handing it to her and she thanked him with a smile.

“So, what do you desperately need to talk about my love?” Ella asked, letting the pet name slip and blushing when he looked down and smirked, but didn’t comment.

“Tomorrow we’re going to go to Central Park together.” Harry told her, raising his eyes from the menu and locking his gaze with hers.

“And that’s a bad thing?” Ella asked, leaning towards him and not breaking the eye contact.

“It’s not a bad thing. It’s just -” He started, but Ella could see he didn’t seem to be able to find the right words to describe it.

“Very public?” She offered and he widened his eyes, nodding slowly.

“Yeah.. We’ve been hanging out for months now, never in front of the cameras. I guess I’m just used to the privacy of everything you know?!” He told her, before the waiter appeared beside him, interrupting his rant. They ordered and as soon as the waiter left Harry’s side, he was talking again. “People assumed and speculated but they never had any proof. Now everything will be real.”

“It is real Harry. You are dating her. You two are huge popstars, did you really think it was going to remain a secret forever?” Ella asked, looking into his eyes. She didn’t like talking about his girlfriend. Hell, she never liked the girl. But if he needed her to be a friend, she was going to swallow that bitter taste in her mouth and just go with it. “You’re still having trouble with assuming a relationship, which is normal for any 18 year old. But you’re not just an eighteen year old guy. You’re Harry Styles, member of the biggest boy band and dating America’s sweetheart. Your relationship is the classic Justin and Britney.” Ella shrugged and Harry laughed.

“What do you mean?!”

“You, the one who’s got the spotlight shining bright above your head. She, the sweetheart, the world’s most romantic girl. Both, very well known. People are expecting a great love story. I’ve been a fangirl before.. I wanted Justin and Britney to get married and that’s what people are expecting from the two of you.” She told him and he mumbled and rolled his eyes, his shoulders slumping. She could see it in his demeanor that the pressure of everything was getting to him more than she thought.

“The only difference is that Justin was actually in love with Britney.” Ella let it out before she could stop herself, regretting the words as soon as they left her lips. Harry stopped on his tracks, his hand halfway to his glass of water and the “deer caught in the headlights” expression all over his face. “Harry, I’m so sorry..” Ella whispered, her hand covering her mouth. “I didn’t mean to assume or accuse you.. I was so out of line.”

“No.” He told her, his hand finally reaching his glass. She didn’t even want to look up at him. She wanted to bury her head in a hole and never leave. He was silent for such a long time that their food arrived and the waiter left by the time he started to talk again. “You’re right.”

“What?!” Ella exclaimed, surprise taking her features when she looked up at him.

“You are right.” Harry told her, talking slower than usual so she would understand. “I’m not in love with her.” His face was serious and she could see he was being honest and that scared her a little.

“Then why are you with her?” She asked but she knew the answer. She could see it in his eyes. “Because you don’t want to disappoint anyone right?” Ella asked, her voice low and careful.

Harry looked up at her again but this time she could see how vulnerable he was. She could see the fear he had of not making everyone around him happy and the toll that took on him.“You don’t have to match everyone’s expectations of you.” She whispered, reaching for his hand and holding it, caressing his knuckles with her hand lightly. His gaze was fixed on their intertwined fingers and she felt the electricity on the air, making her skin fill with goosebumps when they touched. She was happy she was wearing a coat. Harry exhaled and gripped her hand a little harder. Their conversation ended there. They ate in silence and once they finished, he paid the bill much to Ella’s protest and they went back to his hotel room.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to make you feel bad.” She told him, once they were inside. He was next to the bed, emptying his pockets on the bedside table. Ella was standing by the door, feeling her heart weight a ton. She didn’t like seeing him like this, quiet and disturbed.

“You didn’t make me feel bad. You just made me think.” He shrugged, sitting down and looking at her.

“If you don’t mind me asking, since I already made some damage.. why can’t you just leave?” Ella tried to stop herself from asking that, but she couldn’t. She needed to know why he was putting himself through it.

“Because I think I’m able to love her like she expects me to. And I’m not one of those guys who gives up without trying.” Harry told her, his green eyes burning with sincerity. He wasn’t doing it because he wanted to prove everyone wrong or because he wanted to make everyone happy. He was doing it because he thought that whatever affection he had for her since the beginning, could turn into love.

Ella closed the distance between them, sitting down beside him and wrapping her arms around his broad shoulders.

“You are an amazing guy Harry. Never let anyone ruin the kind and loving heart you have because that’s what makes you so incredible. I’m happy to be in your life.” She told him and he let out a little laugh.

“We were supposed to have fun..” He whined, letting go of the heavy topic.

“Well, too late for that now!” Ella exclaimed and he grunted.

“Stay.” He offered and she looked at him, uneasy. “Stay and we can watch a movie. Please. Tomorrow’s gonna be hard, I need to relax.”

“I don’t know Harry.. I don’t want anyone having any ideas. Paul is right outside.” She told him and he put the heels of his hands on his eyes, rubbing and sighing.

“I understand.” He sounded defeated and her stomach turned. They stayed in silence for a while, Harry looking at the floor with a pout and she looking at him.

“Ugh, why can’t I say no to you?” She asked, exasperated pushing him and he smirked. “I’ll stay.”

“Yes!” He yelled, tackling her to the mattress and hugging her tight.

“Let me go!” She laughed and pushed against him, making him get up.

“What do you wanna watch?”

“Anything you want you dork.” Ella said, unwrapping her scarf and throwing it to the couch beside his bed, taking off her coat next.

“Porn?” He suggested, a smirk on his lips and a raised eyebrow.

“Fuck off Harry!” She yelled, throwing a pillow at him and making him laugh loudly.

***

Ella could feel the light hit her face and she felt warm. Very warm. She also felt a heavy weight on her stomach and when she opened her eyes to see what was it, the only thing she saw was a wild mop of curls resting on top of her. She rubbed her eyes and sighed. This was the second time she woke up tangled with Harry. She didn’t know how they did it. He fell asleep on the other side of the bed while they were watching The notebook (his choice) and she fell asleep right after, far away from him. Somehow, they ended up with their legs tangled and his arm wrapped around her stomach, his head resting just below her breasts and she felt guilty. He was supposed to be with his girlfriend and here she was, spending the night on his bed, tangled up on his arms, who were supposed to belong with someone else. Ella pushed him lightly, making him hug her pillow and bury his face on it, before she got up from the bed.

She checked her phone, cursing under her breath when she realized what time it was. She was supposed to meet her friend in an hour and she didn’t even start to get ready. Picking up her socks and boots from under the bed, she started putting them on when Harry’s groggy and deep voice startled her.

“Are you leaving already?” He asked. His voice was pure gravel and she felt butterflies in her stomach.

“I have to. I’m late.” She told him, running to the bathroom and digging out a toothbrush she always kept on her purse, borrowing his toothpaste and brushing her teeth in a rush. “I’m going to have lunch with my friend.” She told him, not really understanding why she felt the need to explain it to him, but she just did.

“Oh, ok. I’ll see you at the concert then?” He asked, looking hopeful. He looked sleepy and cuddly and she wanted to get back in bed and hug him, but she couldn’t. She was already feeling guilty enough.

“Yes, I’ll see you!” She told him, not resisting the urge to go to him and give him a kiss on the cheek, her hand running through his hair before she could stop herself. “Bye H.”

In a hurry, she grabbed her purse and her coat, leaving the room and thanking God under her breathe that Paul wasn’t outside. She fixed her hair on the ride down and as the doors to the elevator opened she was met with the only person she didn’t want to meet today. Her blue eyes were sparkling and she was being escorted inside the elevator by two of her gigantic bodyguards. Her blonde hair was in a ponytail and she was using a yellow scarf. When Ella left the elevator, making sure she didn’t look at her again, she stopped in her tracks. Her scarf… she left her scarf in Harry’s room.

***

**_Well, I hope you guys liked it! Pretty please let me know what you think. It’s been hard to write this couple weeks but I think from now on it’ll be easier. Love you guys, B xx_ **

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I hope you guys like it! This is just the first part of many. Let me know what you think! I’d like to thank my lovely Romannia who helped A LOT, my sweet Scar punkcupcakestyles who has been incredibly supportive and xaraphis who inspired me to start writing again! 
> 
> All the love, B.


End file.
